


The Great Cafeteria Incident of 2002

by Zvarrklingreputation



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: First Person, M/M, carrot sticks, clueless volkner, eleven year old dorks, even more clueless flint, pokemon show up, probably a middle school au but we dont know how school works in pokemon, volk and elesa are twins theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7506694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zvarrklingreputation/pseuds/Zvarrklingreputation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's been a love-struck preteen idiot before. Even the Sinnoh Elite Four's very own Flint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Cafeteria Incident of 2002

When I was 11, I had my Great Gay Awakening because of my best friend, Volkner. He was a great boy with with the softest blond hair and the gentlest smile, and I was completely smitten. It was a huge crush, like, a spend-all-your-time-daydreaming-about-becoming-a-badass-Elite-Four-couple-and-maybe-adopting-a-kid-and-naming-it-Flint-the-Second-someday kind of crush. It was the kind of crush that consumed all of your thoughts, and even your dreams, and made you go, “Wow. I am so gay. Well, fuck.”

This caused very conflicted thoughts. Part of me was like “Oh Arceus, I’m going to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had by being absolutely in love. This ruins everything. I need to get rid of this.” Another part was like “Volkner my love, you must know of my boundless desire!” The obvious halfway point was trying to hint at him that I liked him as not just a friend, but a future boyfriend. I couldn’t be too forward with it, though, for obvious reasons.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been very subtle, but Volkner is completely oblivious 90% of the time to about everything. Maybe it was a self-esteem issue, or maybe he’s just stupid. Either way, unless you scream “Hey! I’m flirting with you!” in his face, he just won’t get it. Meanwhile, I was too stuck stressing over my Mega-Uber Crush on Volkner to really notice that hey, he likes me back too. This meant almost two years of really awkward friendship and ten billion rumors flying around the school about us.

For instance, there was The Great Cafeteria Incident back in Sixth Grade. For a bit of context, the boys tended to pelt Volkner with carrot sticks for being a sad loner boy, so he sat with Elesa’s gang of giggly gals, because Elesa was his sister and accepted him no matter what. They mostly talked about the latest pop songs and the cutest boys, which bored the hell out of me because I was in my pretentious “modern music is trash” phase and for the most part their taste in boys was pretty shitty. The things I did for Volkner, I swear.

Anyways, one day, Volkner got held up in the lunch line. This was the perfect opportunity for the girls to gossip about him. The next five minutes were nothing but talking about how cute he was, how adorable his lil’ side bangs were, blah blah blah.

This was great and all, I guess. I managed not to not lose my cool and go at them in a fiery rage. That is, until a girl named Jessica had to open her mouth.

Jessica had a crush on Volkner. Ever since she was six and chased Volkner exclusively at recess, she had eyes for only him. I hated her out of jealousy, mostly. How dare she go after my best friend? How dare she think she was the one who would warm his heart on his bad days and ignite his spark on good ones? How dare she think she was Volkner’s soulmate, when it was obviously me?   
“You know, I battle, and he battles too. Someday maybe we can become a part of the Young Couple trainer class and battle together!” Jessica said, full of love and affection.

That was it. That’s when I snapped. Fighting together as a couple of Pokemon Masters was our thing. Also, I had seen Jessica battle and she kind of, well, sucked. (Hey, we can’t all be the third-best Trainer in Sinnoh!) There was no way Volkner would team up with some loser with a Pikachu, considering that he had a Luxray, and I made sure to tell her that.

“Pfft, you don’t have a single Gym Badge. Volkner would never team up with you, Young Couple or not. I’d be better at it.”

Yeah, looking back on it, I was probably being an ass. But I was eleven. Cut me some slack.

Jessica replied. "And then what would you be?”

I was quiet for a minute. “I’d be his equal in battle.”

“But you’re not even his equal in height,” said Jessica.

That did it. Being five-foot-one is hard and that was a low blow. “Just because I haven’t hit my growth spurt yet doesn’t mean I can’t kick your butt in a Pokemon battle!”

I was literally about to throw a Poke Ball when surprise! Volkner showed up with his lunch 5 minutes late!

“Uh, Flint?” he asked, a confused look on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Why does it look like you’re going to throw a Poke Ball at Jessica’s face?”

“No reason.” I grinned sheepishly

“He thinks we wouldn’t be a cute couple and is willing to fight me on this,” said Jessica.

Volkner shot me the “Flint-I-love-you-but-you-need-some-serious-help” face. Well, at that point it was probably the “Flint-you’re-my-best-friend-forever-but-you-need-some-serious-help” face. “Why would you fight Jessica during lunch?”

“Because… reasons?” Kids were staring by now. The big scary Eighth Graders were judging us, probably.

Volkner sighed. “Do you want to burn down the school?”

“No.”

Volkner rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s just eat.”

He sat. The attention of the lunchroom fell off us. People went back to mixing ranch and ketchup and dipping their fries in it while their friends screamed “NASTY!”.

“The girls spent the entire time gossiping about you,” I told Volkner. I mean, if I were being gossiped about, I’d want to know.

“That’s nice.”

“They all liiiiike you,” I said, leaning towards Volkner with a mischevious smile.

“I don’t really care.” Volkner gave another eyeroll.

A girl at the table tried a different angle. “Do you have a crush on anyone at the table?”

“I have a crush on the idea of me eating lunch!” Volkner said irritably. He obviously wanted us to drop it.

And that was that. He didn’t suspect me being in love with him despite me almost battling for his love with a girl who had a crush on him for years. The Great Cafeteria Incident of 2002 is a testament to his complete obliviousness.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a year-old fic that was first posted on Tumblr. It has been modified a little from its original version because Lord knows it needed it. Just take it, Ignition tag. You need whatever you can get.


End file.
